some friends never know when to go home

There will be blood


rarely do i recommend....I am recommending !

amazing amazing amazing....IF I HAVE NO TEETH I SHALL GUM YOU

My last post was pretty depressing!

Anyways, its a new semester and I thought I would update: 
    The break was one of the funnest I've had since I've been back in school, I went to boston with my mom to visit her WoW friends, (i know), and A. Boston is an awesome city B. Her friends were so fun! C. Was the best time I've had in awhile.  After spending a few days doing laundry and sleeping, it was off to steamboat for annual ski trip with Dad's family. So crazy, ran into Ted on the plane up there and got to spend a few lunches/ nights out on the town when we both had time, he met my crazy sisters AND the big Daddy, which is impresssive.  Honestly the break was so fun that when I got back, I was pretty bummed out.

    As for school. Some of you know that I broke up with my boyfriend of about 2 years this month. I would venture to guess none of you know the details, and probably wont ever. I can tell you that this is a sad thing, and a good, liberating thing that needed to be done. I'm way behind on research and had really let school fall on the back burner to personal issues. I've got a new plan for my research with nanosphere lithography and nanoholes/pillars and I'm pretty excited, hope to have something decent to present at nanonet this year.

    Classes: I'm taking 16 hours of serious business

Electricity and Mag 2: Should be interesting since I had my head securely up my ass for the latter part of EM 1
Scanning Electron Microscopy: grad course,  I'm most excited about this one since I use this scope a lot in research
Biomechanics 1: ok, so this class is NO joke. Tensors on first day, coordinate transformations, stuff I have to um, remember....but I'm excited and the prof is awesome...At the end of todays lecture, which was a tough one, she cheered in her very chinese way and gave us all chalky high fives. lol
Solid State Electronics: So this should be interesting. Not taught by Pat McCann, but by a new guy they just brought in. Supposedly brilliant, but not the best communicator. my plan: ask questions, he seems to answer them clearly, as opposed to his lectures which are lightspeed fast and dont really follow the book. He also spent 30 mins setting up a projector. lol
Linear Algebra: My 'blowoff' class. So I figure I should officially learn matrices at some point, and I need the technical elective. three cheers !


I also plan on attempting to improve my health, although pneumonia and two bad ankles are foiling my plans at the moment. But I am not despairing!

I hope everyone has a great semester, a lot of the people I know are graduating this spring, and I am happy and jealous at the same time, but I know next year will fly by.  Good luck on grad school apps and job interviews!

Well folks, it has been a long time since I've written anything here. But sometimes, letting out the thoughts beating themselves against the inside of my skull helps. So here goes.

School. sucks.

It started out so well, the supposedly hardest semester of my career in physics. I made high As and Bs on my first midterm exams. I was going to class every day, EVERY DAY! I was keeping up with work in the lab. I didn't quite understand what was so hard about it. And then it hit me, I have no idea what I'm doing. I've had the nasty habit of doing every thing on my own, since the first semester. Well turns out, Daryn was right. IT FUCKS you over when you get to this point. I never thought id admit this so readily, but I NEED HELP. I don't know where to get it, or rather I know where, just not how to go about getting it.

I feel demoralized and tired, incompetent and fighting with myself about where my place in the world actually is. Surely I have one. I find myself romanticizing my past lives, and longing for friends that have probably long ago forgotten me. Mostly, I have lost will. I feel inches away from giving up at any moment, and despair at the thought of never actually getting a degree. It seems like everyone around me has one of these pieces of paper that I find so hard to achieve for myself.

I want so badly to graduate. Somehow just saying it doesn't get across the urgency of this need. I want to say the words "I just graduated this spring...." To move on to a stage in my life that isn't ruled by fear, anxiety and loneliness.

How can I explore myself and the other hobbies that I love without becoming so distracted that I cant finish the work I need to get done. I don't want my entire life to be about physics. I don't. I want it to be about family and art and music and love AND science. But it seems lately that I'm a terrible juggler.

on a happier note, I have taken up yoga. I've become obsessed, as with everything that I become interested in, and lately its the only thing I really look forward to doing.

I really want to make it. I want to grow up. I want to stop hiding from responsibilities. Right now, I want to smoke pot, how is that helpful? Its not.

anyways,

I apologize that it isn't a happy post, and is sincerely self centered and whiny. I just needed to type something that didn't have to do with non-inertial reference frames. I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.

(fade out soulful piano music)

Is anything going on tonight? I'm bored out of my mind!

In case you haven't heard, the Supreme Court upheld the 2003 ban on partial birth abortion that includes no exceptions to cases in which the woman's health is at risk. If you havent read Ginsburg's dissent, its appropriately scathing. Let me first give you a small tidbit of what may be to come in the future, taken from Scalia and Thomas' concurring opinion with the majority decision:

"I write separately to reiterate my view that the Court?s abortion jurisprudence, including Casey and Roe v. Wade, 410 U. S. 113 (1973), has no basis in the Constitution."

Im not sure why I dont have the words to articulately describe my feelings of anger, fear and disapointment. The only woman on the Court succeeds where I failed, however. Ginsburg's dissent starts as I would have started it, "Todays decision is alarming..." Read it. Please.

Ginsburg's Dissent:

Today''s decision is alarming. … It tolerates, indeed applauds, federal intervention to ban nationwide a procedure found necessary and proper in certain cases by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). It blurs the line… between previability and postviability abortions. And, for the first time since Roe, the Court blesses a prohibition with no exception safeguarding a woman's health.
[…]

"There was a time, not so long ago," when women were "regarded as the center of home and family life, with attendant special responsibilities that precluded full and independent legal status under the Constitution." Those views, this Court made clear in Casey, "are no longer consistent with our understanding of the family, the individual, or the Constitution. Women, it is now acknowledged, have the talent, capacity, and right "to participate equally in the economic and social life of the Nation." Their ability to realize their full potential, the Court recognized, is intimately connected to "their ability to control their reproductive lives." Thus, legal challenges to undue restrictions on abortion procedures do not seek to vindicate some generalized notion of privacy; rather, they center on a woman''s autonomy to determine her life''s course, and thus to enjoy equal citizenship stature.

In keeping with this comprehension of the right to reproductive choice, the Court has consistently required that laws regulating abortion, at any stage of pregnancy and in
all cases, safeguard a woman''s health. We have thus ruled that a State must avoid subjecting women to health risks not only where the pregnancy itself creates danger, but also where state regulation forces women to resort to less safe methods of abortion.

The Court offers flimsy and transparent justifications for upholding a nationwide ban on intact D&E sans any exception to safeguard a women''s health.
[…]
Ultimately, the Court admits that "moral concerns" are at work, concerns that could yield prohibitions on any abortion. Notably, the concerns expressed are untethered to any
ground genuinely serving the Government''s interest in preserving life. By allowing such concerns to carry the day and case, overriding fundamental rights, the Court dishonors our precedent. ("Some of us as individuals find abortion offensive to our most basic principles of morality, but that cannot control our decision. Our obligation is to define the liberty of all, not to mandate our own moral code.")

Revealing in this regard, the Court invokes an antiabortion shibboleth for which it concededly has no reliable evidence: Women who have abortions come to regret their choices, and consequently suffer from "[s]evere depression and loss of esteem." Because of women''s fragile emotional state and because of the "bond of love the mother has for her child," the Court worries, doctors may withhold information about the nature of the intact D&E procedure. The solution the Court approves, then, is not to require doctors to inform women, accurately and adequately, of the different procedures and their attendant risks. Instead, the Court deprives women of the right to make an autonomous choice, even at the expense of their safety.

This way of thinking reflects ancient notions about women''s place in the family and under the Constitution——ideas that have long since been discredited. …

Though today''s majority may regard women''s feelings on the matter as "self-evident," ante, at 29, this Court has repeatedly confirmed that "[t]he destiny of the woman
must be shaped … on her own conception of her spiritual imperatives and her place in society."

One wonders how long a line that saves no fetus from destruction will hold in face of the Court''s "moral concerns. "The Court''s hostility to the right Roe and Casey secured is not concealed. Throughout, the opinion refers to obstetrician-gynecologists and surgeons who perform abortions not by the titles of their medical specialties, but by the pejorative label "abortion doctor." A fetus is described as an "unborn child," and as a "baby," previability abortions are referred to as "late-term," and the reasoned medical judgments of highly trained doctors are dismissed as "preferences" motivated by "mere convenience.

In sum, the notion that the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act furthers any legitimate governmental interest is, quite simply, irrational. The Court's defense of the statute provides no saving explanation. In candor, the Act, and the Court''s defense of it, cannot be understood as anything other than an effort to chip away at a right declared again and again by this Court— and with increasing comprehension of its centrality to women''s lives.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y131/dotman/lolmath3.jpg

TEEHEE

Also, I dont want to leave you stinking biologists out, or whatever this has to do with so enjoy:

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y131/dotman/lolmath8.jpg

Hello internet land. I have emerged from winter hibernation, sort of. I find myself squinting at the sun and scowling angrily at other human beings who come into close proximity. Also, my habit of throwing on whatever is closest on the floor and showering not as often as one would like is in full force. Slacking has reached its peak. I had a nightmare last night in which I was in junior lab trying to do homework problems right with Dr. Johnson yelling insults every so often. It lasted all night.

ah yes. The semester has truly begun.

I seem to not be able to escape random health problems. My migraineousness has been quite impressive, and now what seemed to be a zit under my eyebrow may not be a zit, but is in fact swelling to be quite large and looks like I have been punched in the eye at least once, if not twice. I suppose this is the kind of thing you actually need a doctor for. This is annoying, but amusing however, because I can stare in the mirror and pretend I'm in costume for some villain with a disfigured face. I've been making scary voices at myself. Very fun.

I'm quite addicted to WoW. Duh.

The weeks have been going by with haste, it seems as soon as I start a week, its over and I am further into the semester. Which ALSO means I am further along towards graduating, which sometimes seems an impossible goal.

I am happy, even though I'm working a lot more now and spend my weekends behind a desk. Anyways, I hope all of you are well and amused and enjoying the torture of University. <3

END UPDATE

I got my car fixed!


the brakes work now hurray! Also I'm going snowboarding saturday. Pretty cool. That is all.

that I am the luckiest little bitch alive.

So chapter two on (i forgot to turn in my drop slip woops)
 
 DIGITAL DESIGN                 ECE 2214 -           AW <-------- LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!
CALC/ANALYT GEOM IV     MATH 2443 03     B
PHYSICAL MATH I                MATH 3413 03     B
INTRO PHYSICS III              PHYS 2203 03     B
ELECTRONICS                    PHYS 2303 03     B
 GPA Term: 3.00


HAHAH Im guessing AW stands for automatic withdraw? I'm dying.

Also, the face of mediocrity looks pretty damn good from where I'm sittin.


EDIT: well I cant fix the goddamn formatting so deal

well fuck its done! I actually thought I might die before this semester ended. However, I am not deceased, or maimed, I also dont have any other unattractive disfigurements other than damaged hair and bad fingernails! Also, I shaved my legs today !!

I managed to come out with all A's and B's *disclaimer-this leaves out the F i got because I forgot to turn in a drop slip GOOD FOR ME!!!!

I am also looking forward to the party tonight and will probably get good and toasted! ALthough Ive had horrible headaches this week so I hope I dont get one tonight. :(

ANYWAYS, hope everyones semester ended as mercifully as mine did and I will see you tonight!

I had a bad day today. However, unless I can make some amusing story out of my bitching and moaning, its not really worth posting about is it? This is true!

I was doing some very important, self centered thinking a little earlier (and by earlier I mean about 10-15 seconds ago) and I suppose I can consider myself an entertainer, even as the introverted person I am. I find it an interesting dynamic, not really wanting to come out of my room much, but being a fairly loud story-teller when I do come out. I love to make people laugh, I just dont like seeing people that often! ALSO, as a result of not seeing people that often, I havent gotten sick all semester! isnt that neat?!

We are entering THE HOME STRETCH!!! Life sucks and everyone hates themselves right now! However, things are not so bad and no matter how bad we all fail our tests life is pretty good for us rich/semi-rich/white/attractive/semi-attractive/young/semi-young/not-so-young people and theres almost very little to be too sad about! So get ready for my list of generic shit we need ot hear right now! AHEM!

*You aren't stupid.
*no you aren't
*NO YOU REALLY AREN'T SHUT UP.
*Everyone else failed it too, no worries.
*they didnt? Oh well fuck em! They have acne!
*You will graduate.
*someday.
*I promise!
*If you dont, you will find something better that makes you happier anyway.
*You should sleep more, you are so pretty when u sleep!
*At least you dont A) Live in darfur B) Live in compton C)live in your car D)Have leperosy E)Hold any sort of grotesque world record! (sorry if you do!
*In 2 weeks, you will be A)playing video games B)sleeping 12-15 hours a day C) having a lot of sex D)Eating real food E)Playing more video games G) Forgetting your alphabet because it doesnt F00king matter cuz your on break weeeeeee.
*I love you! If I dont love you, then someone does Im sure! No hard feelings!


END MESSAGE

Who else could have saved me from a physical math test of certain doom. HURRAY!!!


In other news, Im pretty bored and cold!

The subject of this has nothing to do with the post FYI.

So I have a case of the mondays. I just enrolled for next semester so thats cool. I wont have class on mondays or fridays, so thats pretty FOOKING sweet IMO. Im tired of school, Im too lazy and/or too dumb to be here. My amazing ability to justify any and all procrastination is KILLING me. My introversion has not remedied itself, why would it? considering I havent really tried to improve my social life, I cant really expect spectacular results. I have had a lot of fun the times I did go out though, so thats good :) I cant believe the semester is pretty much over. >< insert panic attack ><

I am alive, I am not suffering from a life threatening disease, I still live in Norman, I am still a physics major, I have not cut my hair or altered my appearance in any significant way, I still play WoW, if u play, I am probably better than you at it. jk jk much love. I failed my first class ever this semester, but only because I forgot to turn in my drop slip like a complete fooking moron. good job.

www.fallout-guild.net

^the guild I play with on ED. If any nerds out there are curious as to what I spend my time doing.

bai bai

Well today was the day I was viciously dragged out of my mothers womb. 22 years wow! I've managed to avoid all sorts of random acts of violence and rare diseases that might have killed me prior to today. This is cause for celebration or mourning, definately one of the two!

Tomorrow I think some people are gonna go get some food and beer and then maybe chill at the library, nothing fancy schmancy becuase the closer we come to low class boozing, the more in my element I will be! So eveyrone is welcome to come, is 6:30 at the manor cool with people? Or person if only one will come!

Also, I think we should wear knight costumes. Just a thought.

I made my family cheese soup today. My grandpa ate 6 bowls of it. He got so full he had to lay on the floor to watch the football game instead of sitting in his chair. I feel proud of my soup.

funniest, creepiest quote of the day: "If you weren't my granddaughter, and I didn't already have a wife, I'd marry you." --grandpa jones.

In other news, Amy and I cleaned our filthy apartment!!!! She did most of it and I am pleased with the world. However, there is one skillet that our other roommate uses over and over to cook...things...in and never changes the ...stuff...in it. Our stove is like a chinese restaurant. Thats ok though. Perhaps he will make me an eggroll someday. AND. Its saturday night and I'm about to get drunk and kill pixels in digital fun land!!

Hickory dickory dock, the spaceman stole my sock. I chased him down, gave him a frown, that asshole broke my clock :(

...the ever growing suspician i have that school is in fact, making me insane.


I find this EXTREMELY amusing. disturbing. whatever. I el oh el'd for a bagoogle of nanoseconds!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc9y5ayeeb4

carry on.

I use gmail. I like it.

I also just noticed, yeah Im a little slow, that they scan every email you read and advertise to you based on the words they find in the email.
I was reading an email about sulfuric acid and I had ads on pressure measurement systems, and other weird chem shit.

So I sent myself a message that just said "puppies" and my links were, "labradoodle secrets", "OKC pets" and "Chihuahua Warning" ...

anyways.

do I have an opinion on this? "it is not clear at this time" "ask again later"

next experiment will be an email reading "I am going to blow up _________"

that is all.

When you doubt yourself, you slow your progress down.
When someone else is doubting you, same goes.
When you put the two together, you can manage to completely incapacitate yourself.
interesting isnt it?

fuck days like that, assholes